Golden Hour

I see her there, meandering off in the distance; strong, beautiful, and full of life. She is the figure of my old self, aglow in the beauty of golden hour; that short, beautiful phase where the light is soft, and everything looks just…perfect. But soon enough, the light fades, and that space where everything is “just right,” dissipates and is gone altogether.

I see that girl, and think about the flaws that once enveloped her thinking; the things about herself she so desperately wanted to change. They seem so absurd to me now.

It is an absolutely strange thing to be on the other side of your most vibrant youth, and watch it start to fade. Pain came like a thief and stole things from me too early; casting a shadow over my golden hour, pronouncing an unwelcome closure to a season.

That’s the thing with youth; when its done, its done; their’s no returning, or setting back the clocks of time. Youth is a foolish and fleeting thing, like golden hour; illuminated, lived for, magical even, and short. What are we left with when golden hour is over? Memories of light, of moments, and movements; memories of feeling, memories of fading…

This thought has been on my mind all summer; its been sitting in my drafts for months…until today, the first day of autumn. I knew it was time to take it out and finish it, because today, I need a fresh start. I need to let go of that phase of life, and let go of the harsh transition that stole so much from me; its stole the light, and with it, all that felt fresh, and young, and beautiful.

But here’s the thing; with one season comes the next. I’ll even let you in on a little secret: golden hour always comes again. It comes when a new day begins, and it comes when that same day fades. It comes in the birthing, and again with the dying. It is the paradox of the cycle, and if you ask me, God was very smart to illuminate the places that transition us from one season to the next. Golden hour is like a chariot of grace, ushering in both the night and the day.

Even so, I have been meditating on this today; that there is a reason why we all (well most of us) so dearly love the fall. It is not just a season to let things go and put the old things behind us; it is a season for starting new. I know we often look at the New Year or spring as the time for new beginnings, but really, I think it begins with the fall. The new displacing the old, begins long before we see its fruition. It begins when we let go of, not just the hard things, but life’s warm summers too; those Golden Hours that we are forced to move on from, whether we are ready or not.

With autumn comes the feeling of fresh starts. School begins, and the summer heat subsides. Schedules commence, and routines get back in place. Out come the cozy sweaters, books, tea, and maybe for the first time in months, we finally make some time to look inward, and take some time for ourselves and tend to the things on our hearts that we were too busy to see when we were all wrapped up in summer. We find comfort after being out in the open for so long.

Really, what good is a fresh start if the old is still in place? Fall feels so good because it feels wonderful to shed the weight of old things and begin again. I feel like I’ve been watching my old self fade into the distance. A decade of my life, of young adulthood, illuminated in this short, perfect, beautiful season, has come to an end. What began as a great sadness, grew into an awareness, that is now growing into a revelation; that I am becoming something new. That what was an ending, is also a beginning.

Sometimes the seasons we enjoy the most are the ones that follow extremes; when autumn comes after the heat of summer, and spring after the chill of winter. They refresh us, and get us ready to move into what is new; in the place between extremes, we get to rest.

No wonder we all love the fall.

So where do you find yourself, as seasons shifts? What old things lay behind, needing to be let go of? For me, it was a loss. For others, it may simply be a disappointment, a hurt, a lost job, a hope unrealized. What will you do when the light is gone? Let it go, get cozy, rest, be at peace, and have hope. Let thankfulness illuminate your night. Wait with anticipation; golden hour will come again to usher in a new day, and a new season for you.